Ready For Change.

I've been telling myself over and over, tomorrow I will write. I will uncover these thoughts I've been sifting through and unleash them to my fingertips, like uncovering a time machine for the whole world to see. I will do it.

I've waited for some sort of inspiration to stare me blank in the face and pour itself into my mind. I've waited for my days to become more than just todays. But to be something worth keeping. I've waited for things to effortlessly surpass my expectations and leave me muttering on and on about a single moment. I've searched everywhere and nowhere. I've been clicking my pens throughout the night and writing in my journal about Mama's garden and Grandpa Snyder's teeth. Catching hold of whatever flutters through.

But in all honesty ...

this whole writing thing has been hard for me lately. What used to come so easily, almost effortlessly, has come to be so frustrating and almost not worth my time stressing over. This life that I've become so accustomed to since I moved to NC is slowly shifting and leaving me anxious for change. At one point, I think I was convinced that this was forever. But Heaven is forever. And until I get there, I know there'll be change. With or without my permission.

So right now, I'm going with the flow. Trying to figure things out again, whether or not things have actually changed yet. I'm working through the kinks and expecting weariness and discouragement because if the devil wasn't attacking my soul the way he has been, then the only answer would be that I wasn't giving him a reason to. Our goal should be to wake up each morning ready to take on the world along with every string Satan has attached to it. To roll out of bed and make him think to himself "oh crap, she's awake."

Because in order to move forward and be content, you have to be okay with normalcy. You have to run out of wise words and wisdom and be okay with it. You have to make something out of the ordinary. Find imperfections in the everyday. And love them.

So for now I'll be stealing ice cream from Larry's freezer, kissing Cheryl Kingman's cheeks, taking up an ungodly amount of tables with my peeps at Ihop, changing in the car and still making it on time to the movies, forever loving Needtobreathe, wiping Pearl's saliva off my cheek, and praying that God will continue to hold us together.